Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
