I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
