I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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