I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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