I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
