so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
