Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
