this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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