1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
