I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
