we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
