life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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