It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
