After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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