"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
