woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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