Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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