You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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