it's like iHOP with fire
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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