Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He felt like a one man threesome
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
