rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
