hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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