So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
