what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Randomize
