i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
