My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
