He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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