I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
