What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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