WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
