I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
