I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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