Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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