i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
