Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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