from now on my penis is your penis
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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