rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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