What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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