Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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