I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
