he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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