I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
