matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
