Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
