We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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