These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
