my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
