and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
