ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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