i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
