i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
