it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We need to rekindle our bromance
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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