Already got asked if we're dating
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
