We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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