3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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