dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can't turn off my feet"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
