I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
