How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
