GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
